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It's a Wonderful Life: Watch As Life Repeatedly Kicks George in the Balls

Merry Christmas, bitches!


What better way to celebrate the holiday than by indulging in a treacly piece of Capra-corn?  By this of course I mean It's a Wonderful Life, the Christmas movie starring James Stewart and Donna Reed.  It's equal parts depressing and uplifting, and it's a great holiday film...if you're willing to forgive it for inspiring a battalion of trite ripoffs on every TV show ever, from Married With Children to Buffy the Vampire Slayer to Beavis and Butthead.



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Sansho the Bailiff: Being a Slave Sucks

Switching things up a bit.  Today we're heading off to feudal Japan, for a heartwarming take of child slavery and prostitution.  That's right, kiddies: it's time for Sansho the Bailiff!


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Captain America: War Propaganda At Its Least Subtle

My boyfriend's dad rented Captain America the other night.  I was OK with this, mainly because Chris Evans is super attractive and I like WWII stuff.  Game on.

Walking around with a literal target on your back.

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Beastly: Beauty and the Whiny Entitled Guy

OK, I don't really have a good explanation for why I voluntarily viewed this film, except that I read the book when I was younger and it was OK in a crappy, guilty pleasure, only socially acceptable when you're a teenager kind of way.  And I was bored.  And it was free online.  Don't judge.


Ugh even the poster makes it look all kinds of terrible.

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Terminator 2: The Squeak-uel

I know I just watched The Terminator, but hey, Terminator 2 is on the Top 1000 list too, so it doesn't make sense for me to just move onto another random movie.  And this one has Edward Furlong in it.  In all his pre-lobster-rescuing glory.  That's enough for me!


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The Terminator: Hey John, Your Mom's a MILF! - Kyle

As surprising as it may seem, this is my first go around with the blockbuster juggernaut that is The Terminator.  It was kind of one of those film series that I'd always meant to watch but never got around to.  It makes our list at #264.  Here we go.


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Boogie Nights: The Best Fictional Biopic About Porn EVAH


Moving along to Boogie Nights, a 1997 ode to porn starring Mark Wahlberg's junk.  Is an impressive piece of prosthetic genitalia enough to earn Boogie Nights a position on our list at #536?  Yes, apparently so.  Does it deserve that spot?  I don't know, I haven't watched it yet.  I'll get back to you.



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The Black Cat: Karloff vs Lugosi Celebrity Deathmatch

The next film on the list is The Black Cat, a 1934 horror film starring Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff.  I know what you're thinking.  A scary movie from the 30s that has Lugosi and Karloff in it?  Surely not!  Why, that's as rare a sight as the Loch Ness Monster herself.  But there's a reason these two creepers made eight horror movies together and have clocked in probably 500 solo horror movie appearances.  They're creepy guys.  So creepy, in fact, that The Black Cat earns a position at #969 on our list.


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